One of the saddest things to realize is that certain people are just not who they used to be, that peopleÂ you once considered best friends areÂ now, at best, strangers.
Itâ€™s not that thereâ€™s been any major falling out or pivotal movement whenÂ aÂ friendship may have changed, but as C.S. Lewis so eloquently put it: â€œIsnâ€™t it funny howÂ dayÂ byÂ day nothing changes,Â butÂ when you look back, everything is differentâ€¦?â€
Isnâ€™t that what always seems to happen? You and yourÂ friends are headed into the real world, ready to take on anything that comes your way, but when push comes to shove, you realize some of yourÂ friends areÂ nowhere to be found?
Where wereÂ these friends when you got a new and exciting job? WereÂ they celebrating, jealous or simply MIA? Where wereÂ theyÂ when you gotÂ your heart broken? Were they by your side or unreachable? Where wereÂ theyÂ when your world seemed to be falling apart? Were they immediately there for you or did you have to hunt them down?
Do you find yourself thinking itâ€™s your fault they arenâ€™t around anymore? Or do you think their actions have somehow sabotagedÂ your relationship?
The sad reality is most of the time, the dissolution of your friendships wasnâ€™t due to either of these reasons.
So how do you come to terms with people who just are no longer who they used to be?
1. Figure out who you are without them.
OK, so the person you thought was going to be there for the rest of your life suddenly, well â€” isnâ€™t. What do you do now? The answer may seem obvious, but unfortunately that isnâ€™t always the case.
At the end of the day, you are an individual, and itâ€™s up to you to create a life worth living.
Figure out your priorities, get a new hobby â€” do anything that teaches you how to be OK without him or her.
2. Distinguish between what you want to do and what you felt obligated to do.
In any type of relationship, regardless if itâ€™s an intimate one or one of pure friendship, there will always be compromises to be made.
The best part of a friend breakup is the sheer fact that you donâ€™t have to continue doing the sh*t you never wanted to do in the first place.
3. Recognize itâ€™s not a personal attack; theyâ€™re just lost.
In life, the journey is the destination, and sometimes, when it comes to old friends, your journeys just arenâ€™t headed toward theÂ same destination any longer. Donâ€™t make the mistake of thinking you did something wrong.
Rather, try and realize these people just doesnâ€™t have their lives together.
They need time away from you, their constant source of support, to figure out how to navigate life on their own.
4.Â Stop helping people when itâ€™s hurting you.
Itâ€™s really unfortunate when trying to maintain a friendship results in complete and utterÂ mental anguish.
There really is a breaking point where you just have to let go for your own mental sanity.
5. Establish that your timeline isnâ€™t the same as theirs.
Some people donâ€™t grow at the same pace, and thatâ€™s perfectly fine.
What isnâ€™t OKÂ is when you are holding yourself back because of otherÂ peopleâ€™s inability to move forward.
6. Realize that judgingÂ others is a waste of yourÂ time.
Yes, your friend was once your confidant, your soulmate and the person you thought youâ€™d never live without, but guess what? Youâ€™re living without that person and on your own.
If a person canâ€™t hold up his or herÂ end of the partnership, itâ€™s his or her loss, not yours.
Yes, itâ€™ll be painful realizing this person you once knew is nowhere near how he or she used to be, but holding on to an empty friendshipÂ will cause you a lot more pain in the long run.
7. Accept that some people were meant to be in your life for a moment, not a lifetime.
The length of a friendshipÂ doesnâ€™t invalidate the experiences youâ€™ve shared andÂ the things you overcameÂ together.
Not all friendships are lifelong despite how much we wish they were.
8.Â Donâ€™t spend all your energy on trying to make things work when they clearly wonâ€™t.
Life is f*cking difficult. There is no way around that statement, so when there is something blatantly making your lifeÂ moreÂ difficult, itâ€™s time to make a change.
Of course, this is easier said than done, but once youâ€™ve done it, youâ€™ll be asking yourself why you havenâ€™t done this sooner.
9.Â Learn when people are being fake so you can teach yourself to be more real.
There is nothing like a toxic friendship to teach you the right way to carry and conduct yourself.
You will learn to stop settling for mediocrity and start demanding realness. Unfortunately, realness is quite difficult to come by.
10. Acknowledge that itâ€™s better to have one real friend than 100 fake ones.
As you get older in life, you realize how important it is to keep your circle small. TheÂ amount of friendsÂ you have isnâ€™t nearly as important as the quality of friend.
11. ComprehendÂ that theÂ lessons these people teach are more valuable than they are.
People come into your life to teach you lessons, and sometimes, these lessons take a little longer to learn than others.
Despite what many people believe, you canâ€™t measure a friendship by the amount of time youâ€™ve known one another.
12. Understand that they may not be who they used to be, but neither are you.
At the end of the day, the person you used to be isnâ€™t a reflection of who you are today.
You may think your friend has completely changed, but at the same time, so have you, and itâ€™s not always a bad thing.